Some languages name things that others have no words for.

Saudade, say the Portuguese, describing a deep, melancholy longing for something or someone lost or far away, or for something that never came to be.

Hygge, say the Danes, about comfort, cosiness, inner balance, safety and happiness.

Ubuntu, they say in southern Africa. I am because we are. Humanity understood as something that is born between people, rather than a trait of an individual.

There are many such words, and I would like to stay a little longer with one of them.

Omoiyari.

This Japanese word is sometimes translated as empathy, care or kindness. Each of these captures only a part. Omoiyari is the ability to sense what someone needs before they ask for it, perhaps even before they realise it themselves. The word comes from the verbs omou, to think or to feel, and yaru, to send towards someone. Thinking directed towards another person. In Japanese culture it is one of the virtues taught to children from their earliest years, as a daily practice of attentiveness more than as an abstract rule.

Ask, but also observe

When I first read about omoiyari, I thought of design thinking.

Design thinking begins with empathy. It is the first step of the process and the foundation of the whole method. Talk to users, ask about their needs, build personas. It works, and it changes the way we design products, services and experiences.

Omoiyari adds one more thought. Perhaps instead of saying ask in order to understand, we should move towards look so attentively that you have no need to ask. A question can be a burden. It requires us to know what we need, and we are sometimes unsure. It requires us to be able to name it, and words can be slow to come. And it requires us to open up, which takes a readiness we do not always have.

That is why, whether we are designing for thousands of strangers or sitting next to someone close to us, it comes down to the same thing. Attentiveness. Next time, in a project, in a conversation, or simply being beside someone, look closely.

Exercise. Choose one person today. Leave the questions about their needs aside. Just watch. Notice a gesture, a hesitation, a change of tone. Then do one thing they did not ask for. Just like that. That is omoiyari.